


Beau Monstre

by collapsingStars



Category: Disney Beauty and the Beast, Homestuck
Genre: AU- France 1700's -1800's, Crossover/Incorporation, Disney, F/M, Fairy Tale Rewrite, Gen, M/M, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-25 12:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collapsingStars/pseuds/collapsingStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time a young Prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the Prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind. </p><p>*Currently undergoing some editing and re-writing*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once Upon a Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Homestuck: Beauty and the Beast](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/15657) by Ryxal. 



Once there lived a young Prince in a shining castle. The Prince was a teenage troll, of about 7 sweeps, and had everything his heart could desire within the confines of his small kingdom, which didn't extend beyond the forest the castle hid within. The forest which was currently suffered through the winter winds which whipped the trees about and was sending the snow flying, making everything inside the castle cold and damp. That, plus the sound of the blizzard's wind outside, set the Prince's teeth on edge, as he tried in vain to put his castle in order, but everyone seemed to be particularly partial to being an _absolutely grubfucking piece of wet garabage this evening._

"No you idiot! The new table goes in my West Wing. You'll live in the dungeon with it, if you put it in the South quarters!" Prince Vantas shrieked at the hard of hearing human below him. Fuck him. The Prince was plenty loud all the time, if the servant had to dare ask for clarification it meant he wasn't paying attention. 

"Yes, Master." The servant hurriedly replied.

The Prince growled under his breath as he watched the lean servant make his way through the hall with the small, heavy stone table. At one time he would have helped him. Not now. He whisked his cape behind him and continued his stroll down the finely decorated hall. He had no set direction, headache keeping him only stumping about, an angry tornado to compete with the roaring blizzard outside.

"Sir... Master!" A small shout came after him.

_For the love of all that is ... do I not deserve to deal with this headache in peace?!_   He took a deep breath to placate his anger some, before turning on his heel to look down his nose at the noisemaker.

"Yes?" He asked of the boy who quaked before him.

"Um..." The Prince observed the small troll, tiny and ragged, though his horns were edging to someday be the size of a bulls. Another orphan. One of the more motherly housekeeping servants must have taken him in. What an irritation, he ran a palace! NOT an orphanage. He would see to the matter later; for now the boy was still bumbling about his words, whatever he was trying to say that the Prince wasn't paying attention to.

"Spit it out nookstain!" he barked.

"I was wondering, Sir, if there was a way we could warm the northeastern quarter, Sir. It's cold. And the other children can't sleep... Sir."

"Hmm... No."

"But...!"

"I SAID NO. The cold will help you grow up you imputing shitnoggin! Leave my presence." He watched the boy's eyes grow wide, glued to his place. The prince sighed. "NOW!" The little troll scurried away as fast as his legs could carry him. The Prince noticed he had a pronounced limp, so his running away wasn't very fast at all. He rolled his eyes at the child and turned a corner so he wouldn't see it, and be moved to pity the kid.

He hadn't walked more than two feet before another presence made itself known behind him, keeping just short of his brisk pace.

"My Prince. There are more than enough blankets to keep the children warm." He continued to walk as one of the housekeeping servants followed.

"Why does matter?"

"You wouldn't want them to get sick would you?"

"WHY," he said turning to face her, "does it matter?" he said through his clenched teeth.

"Don't you care?" She said sternly. "Your parents..."

"I DON'T CARE! And don't you dare bring up my parents again. They are dead! They would've done nothing! They'd be ashamed at the mess I've allowed castle has turned into!" The Prince's headache was raging inside his skull, his own tone too loud for him to take, but he had to make a point. The children, even though they shouldn't have been there at all, had to learn to face the harsh world as it was, and that included being cold. He spun in a flourish to face the housekeeping troll, a jade blood, a few sweeps older than he. Despite his rage, she didn't cower, she stood tall and proud. He supposed if anything Kanaya had earned the right to such.

"As you say my Prince." She said quickly. "If I might answer why it matters, differently?"

"Watch your tongue carefully, or you'll spend the remainder of your days in the cellar." He knew it was an empty threat. Kanaya was the head housekeeper, and kept his castle running smoothly, normally. If he lost her he would loose all control of his castle. Perhaps he supposed that the storm outside was upsetting the normal order. He couldn't wait for it to pass.

"Sick children," Kanaya said, "are worse than healthy children. Sick children run around, with germs and infections, to pass to others, eat all the food and puke it up, and create a worse mess than a healthy child. You can't teach the ill children either, whereas you can teach a healthy child to behave. Not to mention that the youngest ones can die from influenza. Dead and sick bodies are hard to clean up, and at best prevented."

The Prince sighed at the logic. "Fine. Do whatever you must to keep them out of my sight and out of my mind. Use the least you can. None of the best logs for the fire, or the finest blankets." 

"As you wish Master." Kanaya whisked herself away, dressed finely for being merely a maid, to tend to the children.

Damn her, for being holding such a sway over him. If she had not been kind to him at his darkest moment of loss then she would be in the cellar right now. As it was..

He swirled again to stalk about, to wired to go to sleep for the night, loosing track of time and finding himself in the main hall, at the front entrance to his castle. A small thud caught his attention. He looked at the front doors thinking he imagined it. But there it was again. A small knock. He waited for the door man to answer it. But no one came. It was just the Prince, alone in this part of the castle.

He was going to throw that servant in the dungeon! Finally an excuse to punish someone with good reason tonight! His headache would be better when he could take out his frustration on one lazy servant. He crossed the floor to open the door, so that he might have further evidence to his punishment. Making a Prince answer his own front door! Preposterous! A cold wind sliced him through as he pulled open the heavy door, the blizzard raging just beyond.

The Prince took in the sight before him. The knocking had come from a little, hunched over, old woman. Her hair hung wispy and white around her face and was wrapped in a threadbare cloak. A wooden cane held her as up as she could possibly be and she coughed every time she breathed in. She smelled strongly of horse and manure and the Prince had to cover his nose.

She was disgusting.

"Yes? What do you want?" The Prince addressed the old woman crudely.

"Protection from this bitter cold, just for the night." She answered. The Prince could hardly hear her over the storm.

"Why would I offer you protection?"

"Perhaps, because I am an old and weary traveler and your home seems plenty large enough to house me for one night."

"Home? Little old woman, I am a Prince and this is my palace, not an inn you vile, putrid nookpimple. Face the cold if you are indeed such an intrepid traveler. I have no business housing your face blistering kind here." He went to close the door.

"You talk, far too much. I will make it worth your while young man." He turned to look again at the old woman. If it was money she offered, he would take it and turn her away. But it was not money she presented. She instead held out in one blotchy, pale hand, a single rose, in full bloom, despite it being the middle of one of the harshest winters the Prince had ever seen. "A single rose, in return for shelter from the bitter cold," she whispered.

The Prince sneered at the gift. "Leave me ugly hag. Goodnight." He tried to close the door again.

"Do not be deceived by appearances," she spoke again. He stopped, barely catching what she said. "Beauty is found within." He bared his teeth at the woman.

"I said goodnight you..." But the Prince never got to finish his sentence. He watched in amazement as the old woman's ugliness melted away. She grew taller and brighter, blinding him with her light. He was taken back and she moved in the door way, entering the palace. He fell onto the floor and looked up at her, not able to take his eyes off her beauty. She stopped and glanced around. She was blonde, dressed in the colors of the sun, oranges and yellows, and absolutely, breathtakingly, stunningly beautiful in her own radiated light. The Prince realized his mistake, and failed test and picked himself off the floor. He quickly started toward this Enchantress, hoping to fix his mistake.

"Miss Enchantress, I am so sorry. It's been a long day, dealing with idiots, that have made me slow to realize..."

"Shut up."

"Of course you can stay, free...!"

"I said, shut up."

"Miss..." but the Prince was tongue tied as she waved her arm and caused him not to be able to speak.

"You are the most unkind, selfish, spoiled brat I have ever come across. What could have possessed you to see so little beyond money and beauty? To turn away those who have need of your generosity, when you have so much to spare?"

The Prince shook his head vehemently. If only he had known who she was, and not hid behind the facade... As if reading his thoughts, the Enchantress's own face turned in disgust. It was test, and he was continuing to fail, miserably.

"Karkat Vantas, I can see that there is no love in your heart. As punishment for you heartlessness, you will suffer an ugly fate, equal to that of your cruelty."

She waved the dark wand in her hand.

Prince Vantas cried out as he felt his head break. All he could process as she spoke was pain. His skin split and course hair grew all over, his spine contorted and bones snapped in two. He couldn't breath, couldn't speak, his screams turning to something inhuman. He wept for himself, for his pain, as he lay broken and heaving on the floor.

The Enchantress spoke over him and he caught the tale end of her speech as his pain began to dissipate. "I place this spell on you and all your servants, to take on the form of the household, to forever serve, a beast." 

Prince Vantas watched her leave the palace, not even bothering to close the door behind her, letting the storm come in, and blacked out on the floor.

...

He woke sometime later, in his room in the west wing. Remembering the earlier night, he ran first on new legs, to a mirror, to reveal his now hideous appearance. A roar tore from his throat, what should have been an angry, troubled scream. He smashed through the room, noticing some servants, now household items, skittering around the floor. He stopped at the balcony in his room. A red light caught his eye.

There above a stone table, the very stone table one of the servants had asked about that night, floated a rose. The Rose, he had once been offered, to show only one small kindness. A mirror lay on the table, a note on top, written in glittery purple handwriting, shining word for word the curse the Enchantress had placed on the castle. 

"As punishment for you heartlessness, you will suffer an ugly fate, equal to that of your cruelty: to live the life of a monster. I'll leave you this, an enchanted mirror as your only view to the outside world. And my original gift, my enchanted Rose. It will continue to bloom until the eve of your twenty first year. If by then you can learn to love another, and earn their love in return, by the time the last petal falls, the spell will be broken. If not you are doomed to remain in this hideous form until the day you die. I place this spell on you and now all your servants, to take on the form of the household, to forever serve the beast."

Karkat Vantas looked at himself in the mirror and cursed himself for having been so stupid. Tears refused to fall from the black eyes and his mouth could not form any words to throw at the wicked bitch, should she be listening. He turned to snatch and tear the rose to pieces, only to find a particularly skilled teapot standing in his way. He contemplated smashing it, but the green hue of the handle kept him from doing so. He knew who it was, and so instead he fell to the floor and roared, as the teapot tutted at him. A little while later found him under instruction from the teapot, carefully placing a glass plate cover over the rose, should anything happen to it.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside the castle. He would not speak, or head outside. Time found that he required no food, or sleep, forced to dwell in his state. Having never ventured out anyway, no one came into the forest and no one questioned the castle's quite disappearance as it blended into the woods. As the years passed, Karkat fell into a deep despair, and lost all hope.

For you could ever learn to love a monster?


	2. Jade

She woke, just before the sun started to rise. Moving silently she slipped on her green dress and apron, and tied her hair back with a green ribbon. Exiting her room, she slipped down the hall past her guardians room and down the stairs banister. It took a little bit to gather her things: book, money, basket, shopping/chore's list. By the time dawn had cracked, she was ready to leave, Dirk still asleep. She left out the front door, successfully avoiding parental strife. 

Jade knew that Dirk didn't like it when she left by herself for the village, so early in the morning. But she wasn't alone. She whistled and tapped her fingers by her side. A huge, white, omnipoterrier bounded to her side. Jade smiled and set off for the trek through the woods to the village. 

She enjoyed the quiet walk, the time it gave to her to think to herself. Especially on a morning such as this. It was the anniversary of her father's death. While it didn't really sadden her anymore, she still enjoyed a bit of quiet peace to herself on this day. If only she didn't have to go shopping this morning, and didn't want for a new book. 

Many years ago, Jade and her father, Jake English, and Bec had lived on a small island in the Mediterranean Sea. It was just them two, until she was about four, when a strange man had come to visit. He was from Spain, dark skinned and light haired, and looking for an adventure, and something new to learn. At first Jake was wary of the traveler, usually the only people that came to the island were hunters looking for wild untamed trolls or animals. But after awhile, and some shows of faith, Jake began to accept Dirk, and they got along splendidly. Really, really, really splendidly, Jade soon found out. She thought maybe that was why her mother left her after childbirth. At least that was the way Jade understood it. Anyhow. 

Because the world wouldn't understand, Dirk stayed with them on the island. Occasionally he would leave for the mainland, to put some affairs straight regarding his disappearance, erasing his records, so he could stay with them. Jake and herself wouldn't leave though, so Dirk brought treasures with him of all kinds. Devices, art, music, you name it. But Jade's favorite was his knowledge. She and her father soaked up everything she taught him like a sponge. Dirk taught them from his own education and many travels throughout the world. He was a student of all the current famous composers, Bach, Handel; he was a student of the works of Da Vinci from art, to his inventions. Understanding mechanics and architecture, Dirk built them a house that transcended the trees and scraped the sky. Jade especially loved to learn all the different languages. She and Jake originally spoke some form of islander, but Dirk, starting with his own Spanish, taught her to read and write, and in a couple years she could speak French (her favorite), Latin, English, Egyptian and German. It was fluid and easy. She could even speak a broken form of Trollian, although she couldn't make all the noises with her throat that trolls could make so she had to use her fingers or feet.

It was a gorgeous six years. Dirk left for what he said would be the final time to sell his home and came back to stay. But a group of hunters followed him to the island after some new, fresh kill. And in the process of chasing a troll, Jake was caught and killed. Feeling as if he had failed and fearing that they would kill Jade as well, and the exotic pooch Bec, he grabbed her and ran from her island. 

He brought her to this remote village in in France, because they spoke French the best (except for Jake's Spanish) and almost (not really) blended right in. After a couple days of their arrival they moved from the inn in the village to renting rooms from an old woman from Spain, who lived across the woods from the village. When she died she left Dirk the house. They had been here ever since. Dirk stopped traveling and after grieving his dead lover, he focused on becoming a successful inventor, and teaching Jade everything. He took the last name English from his lover, and she chose Harley. 

Jade continued to walk seeing the village church's steeple break the tree line and greet her at the edge of the path. Bec stopped at the end, he never followed her into the village. He would wait until Jade returned. She tried to never make him wait very long. 

The sun had long since risen, and the little, quiet French village was just starting to wake up. 

"Bonjour!" came the cry from a high up window to a passerby below.  
"Bonjour!" from the disgraced man.  
"Bonjour." from one troll to another. 

Everyday like the one before. 

As she made her way through the town, she spotted her first stop, the baker. He was a small, stocky troll with swirled horns that stuck out from the top of his head. He was the best damned baker in the whole of France, coming from Paris. But she wanted to hurry to the bookstore. 

"Good Morning Jade!" he greeted as she approached him on the street, his arms full of trays, plastered with pastries.  
"Good Morning Monsieur. I'll take four please!" She grabbed four breakfast sweets as they walked and dropped the money in his apron pocket.  
"In a rush Jade? Where are you off to?"  
"The book shop. I just finished the most wonderful book about the mechanics of farms and beans and this idea that trolls...!"  
"Very nice. Marie!" he shouted to his matesprit. "The baguettes! Hurry up!"  
Jade smiled and dropped a tip to Marie as she hurried out. Doing this that or the other as she tried not to hear the rumors that spilled through the village, whenever she showed up.

"Look there she goes that strange girl."  
"So dazed and distracted. Not a part of any crowd."  
"Her and her odd father alone in that cottage in the woods."  
"Funny girl has her head in the clouds."  
"Weird Jade Harley." 

As Jade listened to the words that others thought she couldn't hear she learned about people. Hopping on a moving cart she made made her way faster to the bookshop. The lady who wanted six eggs had seven children to feed, her husband thought that everything was too expensive. The troll merchants kismesis was sick, and the human doctor couldn't help her. They were leaving for Paris to find someone better. The grocer wanted to cheat on his wife with the pretty. gray-skinned lady, that who came to get strawberries everyday. She was faithfully engaged however, to the towns troll welder. 

It was all old, regular. Boring. Jade wanted more than this provincial life. She arrived at the booksellers. 

"Ahh Jade!" She was greeted by troll and owner of the store Equius Zahhak.  
"Good morning. I've come to return the book I borrowed.  
"Finished alrrready?" came a purr from behind the bookshelves. Nepeta Zahhak came out to greet Jade. They got along swell. She was Equius's matesprit and wife.  
"Oh Nepeta I couldn't put it down. Anything new?"  
"Not since yesterday!" Equius's shout came from away in the shop.  
"That's alright. I'll borrow this one!"  
"But Jade! You've read it twice already!"  
"It's my favorite. Dashing princes, sword fights, magic, a troll in disguise!"  
"If you like it that much than just take it! It's yours."  
"Oh but Miss!"  
"I told you it's Nepeta, and I insist."  
"Oh well, thank you very much!"  
"It's no trrrouble darrrling." And waved Jade out of the shop, directing her away, as she moved to scold the men who had gathered outside the window to gawk at Jade. 

"Look there she goes."  
"Peculiar, gorgeous girl. Exotic looks."  
"That dreamy look and long black hair."  
"Wish I could see her dark-skinned face! She always has her nose stuck in a book, and wears those long sleeves."  
"And she don't talk much. But what a beauty of a girl."

Jade stopped in the center of town to read her book, and take her mind off the gossip. She had other errands to run but had to wait for shops to open. A lamb looked over her shoulder having escaped from his owner. "Look." She said to it. "Isn't it amazing? This is my favorite part, where she meets Prince Charming. But she won't discover that it's him until chapter three." She tugged it out of his reach as the lamb tried to nibble the books corner. It's Shepard boy came them and took him away. He gave Jade an odd look. She shrugged and ran away to finish her errands and ignored his comment. 

_You're different than the rest of us._

"It's no wonder her _father_ adopted her. She's an exotic beauty."  
"But behind that fair facade, she is really very odd." 

_Different from the rest of us, is Jade._

==>Enter Douche Bag. 

John Egbert watched the sky as the goose was shot out of it. He ran to catch it, as it dropped. Knowing that he would miss from the ground, he summoned a little air and flew up to meet it, making sure no one was watching. This normal village didn't know what he could do, and it was best that they didn't. They didn't take kind to different. He landed behind a bush and emerged again acting like he had found it, and ran across the square. 

"Wow, you didn't miss a shot Dave!" He shouted to his best friend. "You have got to be the best hunter in the whole world."  
"I know." came a cool reply. Dave Strider leaned, all muscles and brawn. Odd, dark glasses hid his eyes from the light, from France. People looked past them though because he was the best hunter in town. Young and good looking too.  
"No beast alive has a chance against you!" John complimented handing him the bag. He heard a giggle behind him and John turned his head. Across the stree was Dave's gaggle of groupie's. Two large breasted blonds, and a sultry troll, Terezi.  
"Or any girl for that matter." He muttered underneath his breath.  
"It's true John." Dave said catching his comment. "And I've got my eyes on her." He looked from the groupie's to point to the one and only Jade Harley.  
"Really the inventor's daughter?"  
"The most beautiful girl in town, and the best I deserve... right?" He looked at John over his glasses. He swallowed his feelings."  
"Yeah... But!"  
"When I met her eight years ago, when they first moved here, I thought she was gorgeous, like a rare flower growing out of a rock, then she split the rock in two and you thought it was crushed and turned into a million diamonds. I fell harder than the shit from a princes palace pot. She is as gorgeous as me. So I'm making plans to woo and marry Jade." He moved to chase after her as she moved from one chore to the next. John followed him and heard the groupies sigh.  
"There he goes. Isn't he dreamy?"  
"Monsieur Dave oh so cute!."  
"Oh be still my aching blood pusher." Terezi exaggerated. "Such a tall, blonde, brute. Ooh, Mister Strider, Ooh. ~ "

John couln't help but agree.

It was approaching mid-morning, and the town was bustling with activity. Shouts of "Bonjour!" as neighbors greeted one another was heard from every street and citizen. Jade weaved her way through the square book in her face, successfully weaving her way through the people. Dave gave mumbled apologies as he tried to squeeze his way through the crowd. Shouts distracted everybody at the market as good were sold. Ten pounds of cheese! Ten yards of fabric! Rich pearls. Fresh fish! it was steadily attracting more and more people. 

_I want so much more than this provincial life._ Jade thought.  
 _I want to make Jade my wife._ Dave thought. He couldn't get through the scene as people crowded around Jade and the square. He spotted a thick drainage pipe and climbed it quickly. He ran his way to her across the rooftops. John swiftly joined him with the help of the air. 

The rumors and gossip poured onto Jade's ears and she could no longer ignore them. She moved to leave the market, meet Bec, and head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I actually got the second chapter up. *Pats self on back* I was really considering quitting this idea, because it is really hard rewriting an entire song montage. Now that I have done it once I can do it again. 
> 
> Headcannon Explanations : In this AU trolls and humans live peaceably together. Being attracted to someone of the same sex however, is not accepted. Even if it is France, it is only the 18th century. So no flaming me. Being attracted to trolls is also taboo. Species live together, don't sleep together. ~~But that will be tossed eventually.~~
> 
> I also want to apologize for some character confusion. I made Dirk rather than Jake the adventurer because I thought that Dirk would be more of an inventor, what with his rapping robots, which would fit with Maurice from the movie, and I wanted Dirk to be Jade's guardian for the inventor reason. It also fit with the cannon Homestuck story surrounding Grandpa's death better, and Jade being an islander. And she couldn't have been raised by Bec in France. Therefore. 
> 
> And I apologize for making Dave the bad guy. I love him to death, but once again it made the most sense, if Karkat was the Beast and Tavros is Chip, then Dave was the next logical step. If you took the most Asshole side of Dave and stuck it in the 18th century, then you have a pretty good idea for Gaston. And of course John is the goofy sidekick (and I flipped the common idea that it was Dave who had a crush on John first and made it John who has a crush on Dave first) and of course he is magic! It wouldn't be John without wind powers now would it? I felt the need to establish him as the secret bad ass. Sorry. 
> 
> Now I am done apologizing. Take the story or leave it and enjoy.


	3. Imagination Assaultation

Jade moved to exit the village, having her fill of the rumors and whispers, when she bumped into something large and red. She pulled her head out of her book and stepped back, for just a moment, to see Dave. 

"Hey Jade."  
"Bonjour Dave." 

She moved to continue walking, really not wanting to deal with the asshole this early in the morning. Dave had other ideas. He pulled the book out of her hands to give it a once through. He was no stranger to reading himself, enjoying the occasional book on a famous composer once in a while, but he detested fairy tales, like the one Jade had. All in secret of course. If anyone knew he enjoyed reading then his reputation would be out the window. 

"How can you stand to read this?" He thought out loud. "There aren't any pictures, its all just words. How is this even enjoyable." 

"Some people use their imagination. Now. If I could have my book back please." _As if._ Dave thought. Wasn't one of the rumors around here that her father was teaching her all sorts of things a woman shouldn't know, like mechanics and math? How did she get away then with reading something as lucid and mind-degrading as this? He threw it in the mud. It narrowly avoided it however. 

"You should really get your head out of those books and pay attention to more important things. You know. Like the fact you are now eighteen." 

"What does that have to so with anything?" 

"I don't know. Just that the whole town was stirring over it. Still is. Ill like sick puppies that keep coming to the old healer woman from snot-nosed children, but she can't do anything but pretend to cure them for a minute before the child brings it back a second time, milking the money for all it's worth. They just won't let the fact that you are an adult now go. Keep milking that shit." You weren't afraid to swear in front of her. You knew she was just as capable as biting back with her own inventive words. Where she learned it he had no idea, but it was part of her moxy that had caught his attention as children. When they used to be friends. 

"Wow. Dave. Like I hadn't noticed what everybody says." Self aware. That too was sexy in and of itself. Jade carefully walked around Dave, aiming to get her book from the mud. But John appeared out of nowhere and handed it to her, behind Dave's back. She smiled at him, trust unspoken between them, as he continued to linger behind Dave, ever the patient sidekick. Jade suspected he wanted to talk to her just as much as Dave did, thought for a different reason.

"And you know what they think, then, about you reading." Dave continued. "It's not right for a woman to read. That they get ideas and start thinking. Not that I mind you know, it's sexy. But they are going to keep on going like a fucking goat on the metal yard if you don't do something expecting of someone your age." 

"And that would be?" 

"You know, courting, getting married, having babies, all that shit." 

"Dave, you are positively primeval." 

"Thanks, doll-face." 

"Anytime, ass wit." 

"So hows about you and me go to the tavern, then, and look at my trophies. Adore my manliness. You know. Courting things." 

"Thanks Dave, for the offer, but I really have to get home and help my Father." She heard the sighs and bites as the appearance of Dave's fangirls appeared. Terezi was probably cursing her up and down calling her crazy. But Jade couldn't help it. She didn't care for Dave, not in that sense anyway. If he ever came off his ridiculously high pedestal he might be interesting to talk to, more than just scalding back and forth banter, which she didn't enjoy. But as for courting and marriage, well... she was in no hurry to go down that road with him. Ever. 

There as an awkward silence as Dave nudged John to give the classic side-kick retort. He wasn't going to say himself how much Jade's father "needed help." John sighed inwardly. 

"That crazy old loon? He needs all the help he can get!" John yelled. He knew he was playing his role, and she was going to be offended anyway. 

"Don't talk about Dirk like that!" _Yep, there she goes._ John thought. 

"Yeah John don't talk about Dirk like that!" _And there was the "you're an idiot John" thump on the head._

"My father is a brave, upstanding man. A genius!" Jade said. 

"Whatever you say Jade." Dave choked out behind smothered laughter. 

"You are hopeless. Au revoir. Espero que tengas un buen día de mierda. Stultior." Jade cursed at him in a language he knew he wouldn't understand, just to regain some standing. He knew how smart she could be, because her father taught her. She walked to the edge of the forest, as she heard Dave mumble and walk away. 

Jade sighed. She missed the remembered safety of her little island right about now. She missed Jake. She was tired. Bec came to her side. Jade hopped on the huge , waist high, white dog, riding side-saddle. She heard a gentle swoosh of air and smiled, as the tress swayed to cover the sun, make the ride less hot at mid-day, and have her hair whip about her. 

"I heard that clever movement of air John. Come on out." Jade watched Dave's sidekick float on air, lounging on his back, from behind the trees. His simple brown clothes stayed still but his hair whipped around him, beaming a clever smile, he only ever showed Jade. 

"Hey Jade. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier. Désolé. Pardonnez-moi?" 

"Oui." Jade replied. "But... John why do you do it?" 

"Do what?" 

"Deal with that asshole?" 

"Language Jade. Young lady remember?" 

"Answer the question." 

"Jade you know exactly why..." Jade sighed. She did know. 

"Alright then, since you won't say it. Why do you love him then? I mean really! He is such a medieval waste of space. I know he's smart, we were all friends as kids, but he really acts like a douche. Nothing in his noggin at all." 

"I don't love him...!" John started. "I just... I don't know. I really don't. He's tall, handsome, clever with words, and girls fawn over him like disgusting mutant wrigglers, and I am so jealous that they can do that, and I can't even though I do get to hang out with him all I want. I know him better than any other girl does. Except for you perhaps. But to him, all I am is the sidekick. That is all he will ever see me as." 

"I know how you feel John. I ever tell you about my dads?" 

"Yeah, yeah." 

"The invitation is still open to talk to him about it. If you ever want to." 

"I am not sodomite! Not technically anyway. You remember..." John faltered. 

"Rose. Yeah. I remember." Jade finished and they lapsed into silence, recalling the days of childhood. When Jade had first moved here, she had been quick to make John as a friend. He played a trick on her, pushing her into the fountain behind her father's back when they were still at the inn. Dave, was quick to fish her out, and when his back was turned they made John suffer, pushing him into horse manure. Rose appeared out of nowhere and took him and then dumped him in the fountain, washing him clean. That was when they had all become friends. Even after she moved to the house beyond the forest, she would go down to the village with Dirk almost everyday to shop, and play. It took a while for her to feel comfortable in the new environment, around people, but she was a natural adapter as Dirk had once pointed out. 

But like everything in Jade's life it was too good to be true. As they matured things got dicey. John started to actively court Rose. But Rose grew weird. She dressed in blacks and mumbled things under her breath. She chanted when they played in the woods, carrying a decorated stick. She became scary and the village started to mumble about witches. One evening as Jade, John and Dave sat and talked about how to save Rose, she came to them, glowing and covered in ash and soot, black from head to toe. Dirk and Bec came out the door to see her arrive. She floated over in a wave of dark magic. In a brief encounter she told John she was sorry and kissed him goodbye, saying she didn't feel the same way. She kissed Dave as well, politely and told him to watch out on the roofs. She hugged Jade and her dog, who growled at the intruder, and whimpered as her arms surrounded the two. Rose said she had work to do. That she would see them soon. And then in a blaze of light, she was gone. 

John had gone home for heart sick for days, and wouldn't come out, for his apprenticeship or for family. Dave had followed to comfort his best friend, entering through the window. But he was caught on the roof by a late-night worker, and his parents sent him away to a school in England. Jade had been literally sick. Her head seemed like it was going to implode on itself until one day, her hearing was coming in stereo. She could hear John coming up the road to her house, seeking a friend, her father snoring downstairs at the couch. A bee buzzed by her ear and her head rattled. Flying her hands came to cover the top of her head, where her ears...

Ears. 

Her scream was heard down at the village. She barked at John when he came threw her window on air, and Dirk couldn't help but give large orange eyes as it all unfolded. Rose had left her mark on all of them before she left. Jade had Bec's ears and could make anything grow or shrink, John ability to fly and manipulate the air. It took a while but they figured out how to pin her ears to her head and put her hair up to cover them. She learned to stop flicking them to hear and use her human ears. Everything else was easy to cover up. And they could only hope that wherever Dave was, he was able to conceal Rose's mark. They knew that if the village ever found out they would be executed for witchery beyond a second thought. 

John and Jade waited for their blonde friends to return, growing apart as they grew older, but never quite separated. Years later Dave returned, England changing him into a snob, a suddenly full grown, masculine, feminine crushing douche bag. All the girls, and John too for that matter, fell for him, all over him. Dave had changed, and John went with it. Jade was more wary, recognizing the Hunter in Dave that had killed her father. Jade and John watched him, to see if he ever revealed any sign s of what Rose left him, but he denied he ever knew a Rose, and continued to be an asshole. And they all grew apart, Dave chasing after her like he had never known her. John playing along, head over heels for his best friend. And Jade became re-accustomed to the sneaky visits from John, but otherwise, it was just her, and her father. 

Rose never returned. 

"I miss her." John said. 

"I miss her too. Despite what she left us with." She un-clipped her ears, sore against her head. 

"At least she gave us that much. It still kinda hurts when I mention Rose and Dave pretends to have no memory of her." 

"He deserves it. If we had known he was going to grow up to be a muscled idiot then I never would have been friends with him. You never answered my question truthfully by the way." 

"Which was?" 

"Why do you love Dave, John?" 

"Mmm..." He said as they stopped at the edge of the path, at the end of the forest, her house waiting. "I suppose, it's because I hope he'll return to me. The way he used to be. I know you don't see him much anymore, but I do, and when he's a little bit drunk and we are alone at the tavern, he changes like he used to be. A little bit more innocent. More himself, more free-willing fun, polite, and care-free. His douche-baggery, it's a front. A rock hard shell I hope to break him out of..."

"You're doing a bang up Job of that." 

"... I think whatever... Rose... did to him, on top of having the world ripped out from under him and sent to England, broke him, and he created a wall he'd understand. I guess I just really don't know. I want to fix him. " 

"I can see that. I wish you luck John." 

"If only I could get him to stop chasing you..." 

"Yeah I wish that too." 

"Tout va bien. La vie est la vie." 

"La vie." 

There was suddenly an enormous rumble. Smoke billowed out of Jade's house. Bec ran on ahead, nearly dumping Jade on the ground, before John caught her. 

"Merde. Au revoir Jean." Jade said not dropping her French. 

"Au revoir Jade. Bonne chance!" He shouted after her, flying away to rejoin his love interest. 

Jade ran to help Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Let's hear it for the plot bunnies leading to an actually plausible, canon based complicated back story that had nothing to do with the original fairy-tale and about twenty tabs open to 18th century history to make this as accurate as possible to talk about gay love interest I don't ship and witches and magic and a more complicated ending now in mind than what I had before, screwing up my entire plot outline, as I have this immense love for the friendship the four beta kids share! 
> 
> So sodomite, at that time, meant gay. If you hadn't figured that out. 
> 
> Jade's ears are the reason she hears all the rumors she had been oblivious to before, even if they are pinned against her head. Inference. 
> 
> No Dave and Dirk are not related. Dirk's last name is English after his dead boyfriend and we don't know what it was before for the sake easy story telling. Dave's last name is Strider. 
> 
> They switch from English to French occasionally to keep up with the fact that they are in France. And that she speaks all those languages. Because I think it's fun. There might be Spanish in the next chapter, because she communicates one on one with Dirk, so. 
> 
> Let me know if you think it's awkward. But I won't change it. 
> 
> <3


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